‘Love yourself’, ‘You are enough’, ‘Prioritise self-care’…
You will often hear these phrases nowadays, particularly if you are young, female and spend any length of time on Instagram. The ideas behind these well-intentioned phrases are a counter to codependence and external validation; they turn the focus to reliance on and prioritisation of the self.
My personal view is that this cultural trend of self-love and self-reliance, while not new, has grown as the importance of committed relationships and duty towards one other has been diminished. If there is no way you can rely on anyone other than yourself to fulfil your emotional needs, then you’d better build up a bank of self-love to feed off. What this self-centered narrative is saying is “you can be your own source of all that you need”.
If this is true and if I can fully take care of myself, then why would I need God to “make me lie down in green pastures” (Psalm 23v2)? If I am perfect just the way I am, why would I need God to “create in me a clean heart (…) and renew a steadfast spirit within me” (Psalm 51v10)?
The Bible clearly tells us that we need God, but doesn’t it also tell us that we should love ourselves? I believe the Bible teaches that, on the whole, we already do. Following an instruction for spouses to love each other selflessly, as they love themselves, Ephesians 5v29 says “No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it”. While many people do struggle to varying extents with low self-esteem, we all have a tendency to act in our own self-interest. Self-love isn’t generally our problem; dying to self and loving others is our challenge.
The more we read into what the Bible says about who God says we are and, more importantly, who God says He is, the further it seems to depart from our self-centered cultural narrative.
Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?
Tell Me, if you have understanding.
Who fixed its measurements? Surely you know!
Or who stretched a measuring line across it?
(Job 38vv4-5)
God is far bigger than our narrow understanding of the world and He is the Creator of all things. Does this mean that we don’t matter or that God doesn’t love us? Of course not! He sacrificed His Son to restore our relationship with Him.
It does mean that He is our source of love and strength and He is the only one on whom we can build a strong foundation for our lives.
Let us love one another, for love comes from God.
Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
(1 John 4v7)
It means that instead of self-love, we have God’s unwavering love. Instead of self-care, God renews our strength. Instead of ‘I am enough’, God is enough.
I am not ‘enough’ and that’s actually quite a relief.
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