Hello! It's been a while since my last post but hoping to get back into the rhythm and routine again.
Today's topic is dating a non-Christian. This is something that has been on my heart for a while and, in fact, something I have personally journeyed through.
I grew up in a Christian family, went to church and was part of a youth group as a teenager. I had heard the 'don't date a non-Christian' debate many a time. The question always without a doubt came up when we had sessions at youth group on relationships. The answer was always the same - it was never a definite 'no' nor a definite 'yes', but there was always a sense of it being something that was frowned upon.
My experience is probably not unique. Many of the issues around relationships were discussed but it was always focussed on the 'don't do this', etc, but never really encouraging us to explore the reasons why. To hear Father God's heart for some of these big issues.
I'd always just assumed I would be with a Christian and so it had never been something I'd really had to engage with. However, at University this was all about this change.
I was good friends with a guy from home but we ended up talking a lot when I moved to university. I'd always thought he was attractive but just dismissed the idea pretty quickly. First myth-buster - we are going to be attracted to non-Christian men and this is okay!
As we talked more and more regularly, I could feel a shift in my feelings. I cared a lot about what he thought, I longed for him to text me and I thought about him all the time. It became pretty clear I was developing feelings for him. To cut a long story short, it took him a little longer to realise he had feelings for me but eventually we ended up having the conversation and realising the reality.
I was so torn. I knew he didn't love Jesus. He knew I did love Jesus (we talked about it a lot). And I had heard all the stories. "Well, it's easier to fall off a chair than to pull somebody up". "You can't marry a non-Christian, so what are you going to do if he doesn't become a Christian?". But nobody could really explain why it was 'just don't'. One memorable coffee with a lady resulted in her telling me that it was a sin to date a non-Christian and she promptly whacked out her Bible to point me to passages to prove her point. This only made me even more adamant about the situation (not quite the reaction she was hoping for).
I just didn't know what to do. On paper, it was all perfect. We knew each other really well, he was understanding about my faith, we had a lot of fun together. But deep down I could feel niggle. My heart and mind were in complete turmoil. This guy and I ended up agreeing to give ourselves time to think before we decided if we were going to date or not.
God was so gracious and I took time to journal and process and wrestle with what I thought about the issue and what God thought about the issue. Believe me, I wrestled. I questioned and dug deep. Wanting to understand God's heart and why I just felt like it wouldn't be wise to date him I have a really clear memory of when I knew. I was sat in a park and I was on the swing and I just felt the Lord bring peace to my spirit and heart about letting go of this relationship and choosing to decide that in the future I would date a Christian.
This was a hard decision to make, particularly as a lot of my friends didn't get it. But I knew it was right. And in fact, the guy ended up agreeing with me. The point I want to make is that the reason I had such peace about it is that I spent time asking God to reveal the 'why'. I let God realign my heart and its desires with His heart for my life and for my future husband. I would encourage you to do the same about any issue that feels like a rule of 'just don't'. Explore the 'why'. Allow God to reveal His heart for you as His beloved child.
The final point I want to touch upon is how do we pastorally support those in our church who are dating non-Christians. My experience is that people feel judged. They know what the Christian stance on it is and they feel judged, often resulting in withdrawing from church and Christian community at a time when, I would argue, they need it the most. It breaks my heart that people feel this way and I am passionate about exploring ways that, as the body of Christ, we can be better at loving our brothers and sisters, even when they make choices we don't necessarily agree with.
Quick note: this issue is not a one size fits all. Like many things in life, there are instances where there are exceptions and I know of stories where a Christian has dated a non-Christian and they have come to faith. It does happen, but my challenge to you would be: let us fix our eyes on Jesus (Hebrews 12vs2). Let's seek first His wisdom over us as we wrestle with these issues.
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